Where I've Been

I have had an insatiable sweet tooth and have been frustratingly overweight for as long as I can remember. I was over 100 pounds by second grade and was up to 175 by the time I was 13. I never put much thought into losing weight or how to do it, I just knew that I wanted to be smaller. In middle school, I began to be more aware and try to make a change, but all I did was give up sweets and punish myself with crunches. This method did help me lose weight, but I was only able to keep this up for a few months and then immediately regained the weight I’d lost. Defeated, I began to ask for help and I was recommended the Couch to 5k program, which I followed occasionally. Unfortunately, I committed the crime that is very common for people trying to lose a lot of weight fast. I tried to work out harder and push myself faster than I was capable of in order to try to alleviate the built up guilt as well as the weight.

My desired goal was to lose my extra weight by high school and when freshman year rolled around, I gave up. I chose denial and living the way I ‘wanted’ to live. I hated shopping, I didn’t want pictures taken of me, I found an excuse to get out of every single pool party I was invited to. I actually at one point figured that even if I tried to lose all the weight I’d gained I’d be working it off until I was way too old and rationalized out even trying. I didn’t want to live a life eating things I didn’t like and doing what I hated, running. I have never, ever been athletic. I’m uncoordinated and slow. I realized this very early on and took precaution never to play a team sport. I knew I wouldn’t last a minute out on a field.

Another important step I took was simply educating myself in basic nutrition. I did the best thing I believe I could have done, I watched Biggest Loser. It is the most consistently motivating, enlightening, and enjoyable ways to stay on track. I truly understood for the first time that what I eat can change so much and that you don’t have to give up good food to be healthy, which was my favorite part. I began following Hal Higdon’s program. He has a lot of them, but I had insanely set my sights on joining the Cross Country team my senior year so I did one that works you towards three miles.

I really was starting from scratch. I went out and ran the first mile that January since the 6th grade, I was scared I wouldn’t be able finish, it took me 12 minutes, but I finished. I ran during the summer and by the end I’d lost 20 pounds and could run 3 miles, but I wanted more of a change. Going off to Cross Country camp was just about the hardest thing I have ever done. I decided to take on all my fears at once and see if I survived. The coaches and girls were such an encouragement to me throughout the season. I worked really hard, and I did improve through the season, but I was so frustrated that I was never good at running. It is very hard to go out there and do something that you’re so terrible at it that it hurts more to have people watch you than to come in last. I was amazed at the crowd’s reception of me every single meet as parents, coaches and even other teams would cheer me on. I didn’t expect any of that because you will continue to self-depreciate yourself until you quit if you’re doing it all alone.

I've maintained an on-again off-again workout cycle that hasn't back-tracked, but has only inched me towards my goals. I am the healthiest I've ever been and am in the best shape I have ever been, but I am challenging myself to not be content with being better than I was, but the best that I can be. On my weight loss journey I have learned alot about myself and the inaccuracy of my perceived limitations and am committing to not change myself, but become myself.

The Challenge

For the next 100 days I am quitting sweets: desserts, natural sweeteners such as honey, soft drinks, etc. I am doing this for a number of reasons, I am close to finally reaching my healthy goal weight, I am trying to break a crippling addiction, and I am working to strengthen my personal discipline. It will be hard and I may slip up, but for the next 100 days I am going to say no to friends, family, and hardest of all myself in eating what I want to eat.

I will pair this challenge with a couple lifestyle changes that I have been working on for the past three years, but still have not committed to. I will try a variety of workouts and will complete at least 3 times a week to not only make this a habit, but to discover which elements of working out I can enjoy. I will also commit to overall healthier eating habits in the pursuit of learning to cook with the balance of health and taste. This challenge is extended to everyone who wants to join me in learning the practice of self-denial. Mark August 21, 2013 on your calendars as the day to celebrate a new, healthier life.